Module 9 : THE POWER OF SPEECH (1)
How much time do we spend talking?
A normal person speaks averagely 25,000 words a day. If we were to translate it, we can compile 105 volumes of book, each with 500 pages and 200 words per page in a year.
We spend so much time talking (some even talk in their sleep) and yet we don’t know what we are speaking. The output from the speech was not use effectively to create happiness to oneself and others, and actually goes to waste.
In communication, we should always be aware of the 2 parties involved.
1. The person who talk
2. The person who listen
One cannot be talking to oneself unless he is doing a reflection or self-contemplation. Therefore the person who speaks shall always consider the feelings and situation of the party that listen such that they may clearly understand the message and are not hurt by it.
The speak must also understand their Right and options in the process of talking
1. The option of silence
2. The option to speak
Many a time, we think that we must voice up our opinion, our right to speak.
We often forget the other important option that is not to speak at all.
In fact, this option of silence should be our first consideration before we open our mouth to produce the sound that may or may not be beneficial to one and others. We should always consider what we intent to put forward are aligned with our personal principles and self-values. Beside having the Right to speak or Freedom of speech, one must also consider the Right of others not to listen or the Freedom of being alone.
Next we must understand the characteristics or nature of speech.
1. Once spoken, it cannot be retrieved / taken back
(It travels to the ears that will become the door to the heart.)
2. It reflects the credibility of the speaker
(People will judge / measure by the manner / ways we speak)
“It is better to keep silence and to be thought a fool,
then to open our mouth to confirm it.” ~ Confucius
A Word is basically a vibration that one sends his intention or motive across to another’s heart through their ear-sense.
a. Great words are equally powerful through out the time.
A beautiful quotation such as the above can make one smile privately even until today.
b. Good Words are known to be the oldest medicine in the world that cures such as worry, fear and
anger. Therefore one should not under estimate its medical values.
c. If one knows how make to use it, it can create the happiness that money couldn’t buy.
Once there was a wise old man. After all the efforts failed to cure a very rare sickness of a boy, the villagers approach him as the last resort. The villagers gathered to see as he murmured some blessings. Between the crowds there was a sceptic who was talking behind the gathering.
The wise man then stops and scolded the sceptic, “You stupid fool who know nothing about the power of speech!” The sceptic’s face immediately turned red and before he is able to utter a word, the wise man cut in. “See. Even with a simple word of insult, I am able destroy your ego and make you feel so angry. And with some good blessings what make you think I can’t make this little boy cure from his sickness.”
The Power of Speech
There are two powers of speech that need to consider in our daily communication.
The Power to create
A wise speech can create goodness for oneself, others or both while a bad speech can create evil in oneself, others or both.
In the case of Angulimala who chooses the Buddha as his last one thousand victims to be killed for the finger he promised to bring back to his teacher: “Stop thee. Oh saffron monk. Don’t run!” shouted Angulimala when he failed to chase after the Buddha.
“I do not run but you run instead. Stop awhile and follow me,” said the Buddha as he uses him psychic power to unable Angulimala to reach him. As Angulimala was a learned pupil, he is able to understand that simple utterance of the Buddha who advice him to stop from doing mistake in his life by killing people which will eventually bring him to a continued running or rebirth in the cycle of samsara (suffering world).
He then repented and became one of the leading disciples of the Buddha.
As for the case of Kisa Gotami who cannot accept the fact that her baby child has passed away, begging for the Buddha to make miracle to resurrect her child: the Buddha agreed with a condition, “bring me the mustard seeds from a home that never experience death in the family.”
Kisa Gotami was confident that she could find the required mustard seed, went around the villages but to find no avail and realized that death is part of our life.
The Power to destroy
Similarly a skilful speech can destroyed sorrow in oneself, others or both and a slander can destroyed the happiness of oneself, others or both.
Often if we are not careful with our words, we hurt ourselves most just like one born with a pair of saw in one’s mouth.
Sometime when certain individual such as a minister give a statement of controversial, two countries can get into trouble such a war or get their tie cut.
“What is the sharpest sword? - Wrong speech.”
The Type of Speech
There are two type of speech mainly:
Wrong Speech
1.Lying / falsehood
These telling of the untruth also include,
- speaking less than it should (deceive),
- keeping the truth away,
- speak more than it should (exaggerate)
2. Slandering
Speaking bad about another people with the intention
- to separate / divide a relationship or
- be-friend them with another relationship
3. Frivolous speech
Speech that is unguarded or not mindful
- gossip,
- talk in excess (rumours)
4. Harsh speech
Unskilful speech that hurts
- gross, unrefined, sarcastic, abusive
Sometime we think white lies are harmless but in a long run it is actually creating unhappiness to both oneself and others. White lies may seem to be a short-term solution but a problem creator in a later stage.
Once there is a couple living alone; invited the elder brother and his wife to come over to their new house for a dinner. There was not much talking during the dinner and finally the sister-in-law decided to break the cold ice, “Wow, what a nice dish you have prepared.” And that’s a white lie. That dish actually does not taste good at all. The couple’s face was very please with that praises and you know what? Each time the elder brother and his wife visited them that same dish will definitely be served on the dinning table.
Please note that fables, stories, analogies that carry the message of Truth should not be considered as wrong speech as the intention is to educate for improvement. Sentences such as “I’m sorry.... or I regret to inform you....” that we write in a letter which is considered as a norm should be reconsidered if you don’t really feel sorry or regret about it.
Right Speech
1. Truth
Word are considered, as Truth after one has investigated it through seeing, hearing, understand it or cognise it and then spoken out wisely. (AN IV.183 Suta Sutta)
2. Beneficial
Beneficial here refers to both oneself and others in the form of constructive, encouragement, motivating and etc. If one is lack of faith, after spoken to him, he grows in faith and if he has faith, it becomes more refine. The same goes to charitable, virtues, knowledge and wisdom.
3. Polite & pleasant
This does not refer to the subject of conversation but the way we conveyed and how the listeners react towards the way we speak. Words with “sugar coating” should not fall under this category.
The 4 types of people
The Buddha speaks about the four types of people as regards to speech.
When worthy they praise, when blame they keep quite
when worthy they keep quite, when blame they blame
when worthy they keep quite, when blame they keep quite
when worthy they praise, when blame they blame
Who among the four is considered the wiser one?
The Buddha recommended the fourth one as he has the ability to recognize good as good, bad as bad and he has the courage to speak it out, wisdom to know when and where to say it.
When we praise someone, we must be specific and sincere and when we “blame” them, we must always observe not to use any of the wrong speech but gave great consideration to the Right Speech.
We must always remember that the freedom to speak is not what you want to speak. One should speak not with wrong speech but rather filled with Right Speech.
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Questions
1. What are the advantages of choosing the option to be silence over the option to speak as the first choice?
2. Buddhism does not encourage match making. How can you explain this from the context of wrong speech?
